Basorexia
by spiderwebbed
Summary: Set before the events of Cattaglottism. Kiku and Natalya have never kissed- unsurprising considering that they can barely interact. Can they overcome the awkward baby steps of their new relationship? [Basorexia is a word meaning 'an overwhelming desire to kiss.']


Kiku tries not to laugh at the sight of Natalya pacing when he returns from the kitchen, bowl of popcorn in hand. A smile twitches imperceptibly on his lips- it's all too amazing that she's even there in the first place. Somehow it seems all too unreal that Natalya has even offered to come over in the first place.

"I'm coming over at seven. Be prepared."

And how could he say no to such a request- even if it wasn't exactly said in such a way that it could be discerned as such?

"I'm... back, Natalya."

She looks up at him jerkily, then steps toward him before stepping away. Kiku can't tell if she's repulsed or attracted but decides not to dwell on it, instead offering a mild joke to defuse the situation.

"I'm surprised that you didn't run away while I was gone." It's only partially a joke, but he offers a half smile that dims slightly at her reply.

"Thought about it."

"Ah."

The conversation is uncomfortable and stiff; with the way that he'd imagined conversing with her so often, he feels vaguely embarrassed at the words- or the lack thereof- rolling off of his tongue. He clears his throat and tries to relax but finds himself emotionally distancing himself from the situation completely. It's easier this way because he can ignore the frost and flight warnings coming off of Natalya in waves. It's a little disappointing that she speaks so frankly. He would hope that at the very least she would lie for his comfort, say that she wanted to stay... but Natalya was frank and honest instead.

The purest sort of romance, if he thought about it truly... He chooses not to do so because of its stark, cold implications and instead steps further into the room to speak with Natalya. "Did you choose something to watch?"

"I didn't." She glances at the untouched pile of Blu-rays and DVDs and looks back at him. He notes that her eyes look less wild as she smoothes out her skirt, her fingers twitching with crackles of restrained energy. He remembers the way she was pacing when he'd entered the room. "I waited for you."

Was she… nervous?

It makes him smile, a spark of optimism thinly piercing his chest.

His voice is quieter than he means for it to be, and even he cringes at the hope tinged statement. "Why don't we choose together?" Instead of giving him the scathing look he lowkey expects, Natalya nods in agreement, but doesn't move until he kneels beside the pile he'd left for her to choose from. Gracefully, her dress billowing out around her, Natalya falls to her knees as she begins to look through the pile. Part of her dress covers his arm as she sits and she lifts it off of him, tucking it beneath her- but not before he gets glimpse of a pale, shapely thigh. He doesn't blush, but his embarrassment over seeing something that he ought not've makes him feel as though he should confess it to her somehow, as though by viewing her leg before its time, he's somehow transgressed against her-

Before its time.

He hadn't meant to think it, but now that it's in the air, he can't help but wonder if there ever will be an acceptable time for him to view her leg, but quickly shuts down the thought as a much more important alarm pings in his mind.

Right away, they mutually note that they're too close to each other but neither of them wants to be the one to move away. Every time she leans forward to inspect a DVD title, her shoulder brushes his. Every movie he flips over to read the blurb is the action of his arms rubbing against the length of hers; he is glad that the both of them wear long sleeves, or else the feeling of goosebumps would be much too noticeable for his liking. All in all, the moment is quiet, but much more comfortable than any verbal exchange thus far.

"Kiku." She pauses, a film in hand. "What about this one?"

Wordlessly, he turns to look at her and finds that her face is much closer than he'd expected to see it. He finds himself at a loss and tells himself to look away before she gets angry- but she doesn't move or do much of anything- instead... she just looks at him coolly, an open, languid expression on her face.

Her eyes flit across his face, a thousand places at once.

He watches her take in his long eyelashes, curling around and framing his dark, black eyes. Natalya's eyes slip lower onto his face, moving back and forth as though she is memorizing his every detail. She stops as her eyes meet his lips, and he half-expects her to at least give him a glance, some sort of signal that would signify her intentions- but her eyes never rise, instead frozen on his mouth.

She leans forward hesitantly, Kiku watching her carefully as he stops breathing altogether. _Is she going to...?_ She hovers over his mouth indecisively for so long that he can feel his lips moistening from her breath. He restrains the urge to lick his lips out of fear that he'll mistakenly lick hers in the process... something that he wouldn't mind so much but cannot so much be sure that she would feel the same. In the corner of his eye, he sees her hand lift then fall, as if unable to choose there or not to touch his face lightly, or brush his hair from his face, or to do... whatever it is that she wanted to do. He can't help but feel the urge to lean forward and end the siege she has on his body- he finds that it's not just his face... but his whole self is captured in this moment, in this opportunity to be kissed by a woman who he seemingly repulsed in the public eye.

To stop himself from acting, Kiku shuts his eyes and anticipates the feeling of her mouth on his own, but... the contact never comes. His voice is quiet when he does speak, his eyes still shut.

"Natalya?" He pauses, waiting for a reply. "Are you going to kiss me?"

"No."

Ah... too honest again.

"Then can I open my eyes?"

"..." She doesn't reply anyway, making him wonder why he'd bothered asking in the first place.

Content with the answer, he waits for another moment before resigning himself to the fact that she won't do it. He speaks calmly. "I'm going to open my eyes now." He opens them and sees to his disappointment that she is no longer close to his face. Instead, she looks caught up in a moment of self-reflective moment of disgust and irritation- he wonders if she's repulsed by him with detached disappointment, the only emotion he can allow himself to muster without feeling regret for allowing this... anomaly to occur- not just this single moment, but the entire evening to happen.

Kiku looks at her for a long moment, and she startles him as she suddenly turns towards him with a determined expression, grasping his face lightly with both hands. She doesn't say anything, but he finds that he's unable to tell what she's thinking- which is most disconcerting.

"What are you thinking?" He doesn't mean to but he murmurs his thought aloud, startling Natalya.

"I... don't know." At the moment when he expects her to be dishonest, she opens up most surprisingly. "I don't know why I want to touch you but I do." Her icy blue eyes don't look as cold as they usually do- they look like they're cracking at the edges and he can't help but wonder what's underneath.

_Kiss me._

The thought surprises him, unbeckoned and uninvited. Kiku is startled at how badly he wants her to do it, to stop dancing around his lips, to just kiss him, and the unmoving hands she has cupping his face only increases his need for her to move forward and meet his mouth. She tugs him forward so that he has to shift his weight to his hands and knees to keep his balance. He shuts his eyes again, but she simply presses her forehead to his and doesn't move any further.

_Should he...?_

He moves his hand to lift her chin but before he even touches her-

"No."

Kiku's hand stops, suspended in time. It's so close that he can feel the warmth coming from her skin. "No?"

She doesn't say it a second time, but then, she doesn't have to. Kiku hastily lowers his hand, shifting over slightly to give her space, feeling properly chastised. He gently pulls the movie from her tight grasp and is glad that he didn't touch her- clearly he's underestimated how nervous she is to be there in his home alongside him. He gives her a mental apology, then opens the case.

As he remembers her warm breath on his face, her cool hands on his chin and cheeks, her lips so close to his own, Kiku licks his lips absentmindedly and tries not to think about the moment that could've been. He fumbles for the remote and wishes that he hadn't moved over, if only to feel the weight of her sitting solidly beside him.

Every kiss in the movie makes him cringe, but out of respect, he never looks at her even once. When she leaves, he finds himself staring at the ceiling, wondering at the sensation of her lips pressed against his own.

He almost laughs aloud.

Maybe in his dreams.


End file.
